My daughter recently forwarded me an email that she received from a mentor and coach of hers on the topic of boundaries. I wanted to share some of her thoughts because they resonated with me and and I felt they could be helpful to others. One thing she pointed out was that a big component in the practice of self-responsibility is setting boundaries….something she felt many women struggle with. “Of course, it’s not entirely our faults”, she wrote. “We’re taught that being nurturers, caregivers, and putting others needs before our own is how to love, right? Wrong. ”
I’d like to share her insights:
“Thank you for taking care of your needs.”
I went to an event a few weeks ago where we practiced saying yes and saying no.When someone said no, “Thank you for taking care of your needs” was how we were instructed to respond to their no.
This response and the why behind it has been reverberating my Life so much since then.
When someone says no, not only is it not personal or a rejection, it’s a beautiful thing to witness.
It’s beautiful because that person is honoring themselves. If you’re the one saying no, you’re honoring yourself.It’s not your job to please others.
Saying yes when you’d really rather say no is dishonorable to both you and whomever you’re lying to. Because that’s what it is, a lie.
So honor your no, honor your yes, above all else, honor yourself and TRUST.
Trust that people can handle your no.
The other thing Monique Darling, the facilitator of that event explained is that when you can trust someone’s no, you can trust their yes. Because when someone is comfortable saying no, you know that their yes always means yes.
So this is a great place to start with boundaries.
Identify the places where you’ve been saying yes and meaning no. And, practice not taking it personally or as a rejection when someone says no to you, but rather honoring that they are taking care of their needs.
Feels good, right?